I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
