I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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