Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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