You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
