Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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