ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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