he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
