Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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