So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
