worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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