Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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