That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
