I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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