No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
