Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
