We named our party play list daddy issues
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
