And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
