What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
