how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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