Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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