lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
