i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
