Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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