I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
