How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
