I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
