Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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