Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
