You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
