eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Couch. On fire.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
