A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
