that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also, beer. Big fan.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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