I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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