Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
