So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
