She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
