I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
