my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
