I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
