Where is the hickey?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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