I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
