How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
