I hope mine doesn't look like that
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
