I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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