You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
