dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Fuck appropriateness.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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