you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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