Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
