hotel room ftw
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
