What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
