Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
